Has it really been over two years since i have posted here, i guess a lot of my friends have moved to facebook and it is easier. Maybe i can use this for my thoughts and the what.
So what has changed in the last two plus years? Well one major change is i'm a mum! I gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Lacey Leigh Robinson, on 21st January and she really is the most amazing precious thing on this earth. Since she has been born my moods have changed dramatically, it's like now i have something to live for there is no more emptiness i used to have. Sure i still suffer with the OCD but it is so much more manageable and I'm even in cbt/therapy to deal with the shit that has happened to me.
Also I am engaged to the most amazing guy (still Lee) ever! We plan on getting married in 2016 if all goes well (or maybe a little sooner) and looking to try for another baby soon as well.
Work is still crap (although i am on maternity at the moment) but hopefully that will sort itself out after an interview this week. I am studying with the OU for a degree in Criminology and Psychological Studies and plan on using it to become a social worker but thats a long term plan right now.
Still in Zombieland ... erm i mean Elland, and whilst i'm still not happy with the house we are planning on making some changes soon.
So thats it, nothing else much but i'd say that's a fair amount.
Still a few boxes to unpack but the majority is done. I am glad that Fade and Raine have settled in now, i think the fact that they have had fish three times this week and that they can lounge in front of an living flamed fire helps, he he!
But the rest will have to wait, we have the kids this weekend and they will be consuming all the time we have i think. WE are gonna go to my mums in Huddersfield to see Misty and Molly (cats) and also want to visit Lee's parents, i'd promised Ben (Lee's nephew i would install sims for him)
Next week i sign up for my A level psychology course and hopefully get our new tv for the living room. Also gonna decorate the bathroom, not much to do, it's already tiled like a terracotta type colour so gonna do a warm yellow for the walls as they are too dark at the moment.
Now i think it is time for chocolate crepes and the latest episode of Big Bang Theory (our whole universe.......)
So i am currently on long term sick, occupational health are getting involved in my case to see what we can do, since my mental health issues are pretty much life long i have to look after me the best i can.
That saying, moved back to halifax last night, well sort of, most of my stuff is still at the Leeds house. The fun part is Lee has given me a pretty much free rein with decorating the house and since i'm not at work i'll have plenty of time to do it.
And since i found out today that apparantly work have been under paying me i will be getting a little extra bonus in my next pay, coupled with the bond from the Leeds house means that i can give Lee money towards the new TV.
OOOO i got a pretty new laptop, it's smaller and more powerful and is windows 7, which at first annoyed me as my trusty philips media streamer is no longer compatable but then i found out that no panic needed as my xbox connects to windows media player on my computer and whalla lizzie is back to watching tv on tv, oh how we are pleased by small things.
haven't been in a while, to be fair i have shied away from most forms of communication over the last couple of week.
I hit a slump again, it doesn't help that i am being passed between the primary care and cmht, both saying i have to see the other. Aparantly, hiding from my past and all it's abuse is not a coping method. Me mum thinks it's leeds, too many memories and worries, I don't know,
We'll soon see, lee and i have decided to live together and his house is better than mine and will work out a lot cheaper for both of us, plus it helps that he is an amazing support.
Been thinking about that old learning thing, and the OU does a psychology and criminology degree that looks interesting. we'll have to see.
Positive steps will lead me in the right direction.
So i have decided to stop burying my head in the sand and decided to get things done.
I've been involved with the national debtline today and found out my options. I have been toying with the option of bankruptcy for so long and have been putting it off. I was fighting the decision for a long time but the stress from certain debts along with associations with them are hindering me from moving on and becoming the person i was before.
It turns out that since i wasn't informed of the repossession and that i have no chance in hell of paying it, add to the fact that the shortfall from the repossession is making my mental illness so much worse i have a strong chance of having it written off. If that happens then everything else is cake!
I am putting all my energies into this since if i want to have my own business then bankruptcy is not an option, also the small matter of losing a job i am good at!
Today i have been in touch with debitors and whatnots and got a couple of options with balls rolling! Not bad for a day off work!
In other news, i am quite cold but the boiler is fixed but costs a fortune to run so keeping it to minimum, who ever said diamonds were a girls best friends were wrong, it's clearly hot water bottles! All excited for the xmas party at work quite soon and my outfit may be top notch, would loved to have lost some more weight but the depression and the scaring from the tear last year are arguing with that fact. I have lost a little weight though.
Now i think its time for beans and sausages on toast, catch up on tv and sims social until my flapjack comes home
my boiler has broken down and i have no heat :( it's been dodgy since the weekend and i have been on at my landlord to send someone out. On the plus side since my pay was down £200 this month from not being in work i couldn't put any money on the gas card, well if the boiler don't work then i can't use too much gas can i, see silver lining, although it feels like a frosted silver lining atm, lol
Hmm so back at work now, working with Amy which is cool sometimes and not others :/
Went to Wil and Georges house-warming Saturday, their new house is pretty and Isobel is soooo cute, and now i get to annoy Wil about the christening. Was nice to see Rushey and Sam as well.
Samhain was nice, Rachel and Carol came round and we did a simple cleansing ritual which i promised Lee i would repeat at the new moon. Only let down was the lack of trick or treaters, i still have loads of sweets left, somehow i thought living in the middle of an estate in Armley might have been busy but no potatoes.
Go a couple of hours to kill till Lee gets home from work and then we are gonna have scampi and chips for tea, yum!
So i have finally been cleared to go back to work! woop!
sitting around the house for the last six weeks have been sending me crazier than i already am. I still have to go to councilling which is fair enough, and they said things will get worse before they get better, which is why i went la la last time. having to deal with certain past issues have caused my nightmares to increase and my depression to deepen.........
but, i have a great boyfriend who is so supportive, two amazing friends who are there for me, and a regrowing social network to help keep my mind busy. Add that my shifts art work have now changed so i am not on permanent late shifts i can finally do things again. I'm still on a rotational shift pattern but at least sometimes i will be home by half four!
Still working on my crystal healing and my aromatherapy and making good headway (or i would if i left sims social alone lol).
And very excitably so i am going out this weekend! Going to wendyhouse for first time in ages! might not stay long but it's a start and maybe eventually i will get my courage up to go to flock again sometime soon :S